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    那些毀掉婚姻的神邏輯

    時間:2018-05-05 10:48:10 來自:婚姻感悟  閱:

    文丨爐叔

    生活中,我們總是能遇到一些人有著神邏輯,比如“我是老人,你就該讓座給我”、“小孩在公共場所吵吵鬧鬧很正常”、“我窮我有理”……

    其實,婚姻里也有一些神邏輯,而這些神邏輯,在漸漸毀掉婚姻。

    賺錢多聽誰的

    成年人的世界里,有個不成文的規定,那就是誰賺的錢多,誰說話就硬氣,別人就該聽他的。而有的人在婚姻里,也遵循著這樣的規定。

    領居家住著一對夫妻,由于兩家孩子是同學,也經常在一起玩,所以我們兩家的關系也比較好,平時見面都會聊上一會。但妻子對領居家的男人頗有微詞,按妻子的說法就是:“他家男人對家人特別強勢。”

    有一次,我和妻子散步回來,正好遇上了鄰居夫婦。等電梯時,鄰居夫婦在聊天,聊著聊著就爭吵起來了。女方希望男方平時多待家里陪陪孩子,減少一些不必要的應酬,男方聽不進去,語氣不善的說:孩子的事你來管就行了。

    女方繼續溫和的勸說,結果男方生氣說:“這個家里的錢都是我賺的!你照我說的做就是了!”言下之意就是:家里我賺錢最多,家人就該聽我的。

    女方聽了這句話后,瞬間沉默了下來,似乎連反駁的力氣都沒了。

    婚姻里真的是誰賺得多,就該聽誰的嗎?我看未必。

    婚姻里的交往模式與外面的世界不同,并不是誰能力強或賺錢多就該聽誰的。在婚姻里,有經濟實力可以讓你有話語權,但并不意味著凡事都得聽你的。婚姻是兩個人的事,想要把婚姻經營好,必須尊重雙方的意愿。

    婚姻里,一人賺得多而另一人賺的少的情況很正常,但不意味賺的少的人對家庭的付出就少。也許Ta賺的少,正是因為Ta把更多的精力放在了家庭上。

    婚姻里,真正該聽的應該是付出的多的那個人。

    男主外女主內

    在中國,很多男人都認為夫妻的分工模式應該是男人只需要負責賺錢養家,女人負責照料家庭、教育孩子、贍養老人。這個觀點在很多女性看來都是正確的,畢竟在中國的傳統觀念里,男主外女主內是理所當然的。

    然而,今時今日已經不是所有人都吃這套男外女內邏輯的世界了。

    Y是我的大學同學,她是一個事業心極強的女人,早在讀書的時候,她就利用課余時間去外面實習,培養自己的能力。畢業后,她進入了一家五百強企業,多年過去,她已經是公司的中層管理者了。

    為了晉升,Y還跟老公約定,生了孩子后不希望因為孩子耽誤了工作。老公一開始答應的好好的,沒想到孩子剛落地,就反悔了。他說:你現在生完孩子了,也該辭職了,女人本來就該在家里待著。還聯合婆婆對她施壓,想讓她辭職回家里帶小孩。

    Y不答應,婆婆就去她公司鬧,最后領導沒辦法,就把Y從核心崗位調到了一個清閑的崗位。

    Y跟我哭訴的時候說:“我花了十幾年,每天兢兢業業才從一個小職員爬到今天的位置,結果因為要我回家帶孩子就讓我多年的心血白費了。”

    “我現在都在懷疑,到底是我錯了,還是我嫁錯人了。”

    現在,隨著社會和時代的發展,越來越多的女性獨立了。她們能夠追求自己想要的生活,能夠在工作上一展拳腳。對于她們來說,家庭和事業都是不可或缺的一部分。而有的人卻始終認為女人就應該當家庭主婦。

    誠然,女性在家庭里扮演著獨一無二的角色,但這并不意味著女人只能待家里,更不意味著男人只需工作而不需要照顧家庭。

    所有的婆媳矛盾都是婆婆對

    一位讀者曾經在后臺給我留言,她跟她的婆婆關系不好,每次待在一起就像風雷勾動地火一樣,總會因為一些小事吵架。每次鬧矛盾,丈夫從來都不會站在她這邊,就算婆婆錯得再離譜,到最后都變成了婆婆是對的。

    “每次丈夫都幫婆婆,我在家里就像一個外人,顯得格格不入。”

    在中國家庭里,婆媳矛盾幾乎是永恒的難題。俗話說,三個女人一臺戲。其實兩個女人加一個男人也是一臺戲,婆婆、丈夫和妻子三個人的組合在無數家庭里上演了一出出好戲。

    在這出戲中,其實婆婆和妻子不是最關鍵的角色,丈夫才是。在婆婆和妻子鬧矛盾時,丈夫的態度決定了事態的發展。

    有的丈夫,一旦妻子跟婆婆有點矛盾,總會用“她是我媽”“我媽把我拉扯大不容易,你讓著點”“我媽都這么老了,你讓著點不行嗎?”“我媽……”這些理由來讓妻子服軟,殊不知這樣的處理方法對家庭關系有害無益。

    處理婆媳矛盾真正正確的方法是在兩人鬧矛盾時,站在妻子一邊,同時安撫婆婆,而不是一味地幫婆婆。

    畢竟,真正陪你過完這輩子的,不是你父母,而是你老婆。

    為了孩子,絕不離婚

    知乎上有個熱門問題“如何看待那些所謂的為了孩子不離婚的父母?”,底下有400多個回答。

    與傳統的勸和不勸離不一樣,回答里清一色的都是贊同離婚的。其中一個高票回答里,答者說她的父母早就沒有感情了。每次父母吵完架,母親都會和她說:“都是因為你,我才不能離婚。”因為這句話,小時候的她一直很自責,覺得是自己害得家庭變成這樣。直到現在,這句話都是她的心里陰影。

    回答末尾的一句話尤其讓我震撼:真正讓我感到痛苦和絕望的,不是父母離婚,而是那沒有一絲溫暖的家庭。

    許多人認為,不完整的家庭對孩子影響不好,殊不知為了孩子不離婚才是真正地害了孩子。從小在一個不和諧的家庭環境里長大, 很容易對孩子造成深遠的負面影響。

    我見過很多家庭,夫妻之間已經完全沒有感情了,卻為了孩子和維護家庭的完整而強行在一起生活。強扭的瓜不甜,勉強繼續沒有感情婚姻,最后傷害的不僅是自己,還有孩子。

    西方有句諺語:婚姻,若非天堂,即是地獄。

    如果真的毫無感情了,學會放手也是一種選擇。抓著破碎的婚姻不放,對于所有人來說都是地獄。

    如果這篇文章對您有幫助,請分享給身邊更多的朋友!

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