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    一個結婚二十幾年的女人,給年輕女人的五點婚姻忠告!

    時間:2018-05-11 19:33:35 來自:婚姻感悟  閱:

    文|北蘇

    “沒有什么是一概而論的,當然也包括婚姻!”

    “不幸的婚姻有著類似的不幸福,幸福的婚姻也有著類似的幸福”

    1

    很多出入婚姻的女人都會被突然到來的婆媳關系顛覆自己的認知。結婚前以為男人的父母和自己的父母一樣和藹親近,以為結婚之后也會如自己的父母們般生活隨順沒有沖突,但是結果往往結婚不久很多公婆會十分霸道公開的對兒媳宣戰,處處針對兒媳婦。

    結婚快二十年的趙瑤曾經結婚的時候也是經歷過這么一遭,他和先生自由戀愛,結婚的時候先生家條件不是很好,但是她看中了人,沒計較那些,順順當當就嫁過去了,還帶著對公公婆婆如親身父母般的愛。

    趙瑤給自己的父母買什么給公婆就買什么,也沒想太多,她以為公婆也會像對自己兒子一樣對她,沒想到婚后婆婆并不顧念她的孝順善良,趙瑤開始也不懂得反抗,經常在家人面前被數落。小兩口吵架了,他們更是站在兒子一邊,全家人對付趙瑤一個人。

    后來慢慢的經過了生活的摩擦和洗禮,趙瑤才懂得,沒有生來就和諧的婆媳,只有在相互了解付出之后親近的家人。

    忠告一:女人初到人家,不要太不把自己當外人,對公婆要孝順,對新組建的家庭要融入,但是不要把自己和盤托出,不要把自己放的太低去討好著生活。多用心去對待,但是也要學會強調自己學會反抗,別在這個過程中讓自己失去了在婚姻和家庭中的地位。

    2

    結婚后的趙瑤從婆婆的手里接過來的不像是一個老公,而是領養了一個兒子。趙瑤也沒多想,女人愛一個男人不都是情愿為他付出自己的所有,所以她做飯洗衣,包攬所有的家務,還要兼顧著男人衣服的搭配,怕他餓了怕他凍了的。

    結婚一年多的時候,趙瑤覺得自己的男人對家里的很多事情都不上心,就算和他商量他也是推給趙瑤一個人,漸漸的趙瑤才領略到了婚姻里的另外一個道理,婚姻是兩個人的,不能是她一個人的。

    忠告二:女人結婚后要記得自己嫁過來之前也是父母手心里的寶貝,我們可以對男人好,可以心里有他愛他照顧他,但是千萬不要把自己演成一個保姆。

    妻子是妻子,保姆式的妻子是保姆,保姆做的再好男人都不會感恩,妻子做好妻子該做的,男人才懂得珍惜。

    3

    和很多初婚初育的女人一樣,趙瑤婚后生孩子,就漸漸的脫離了工作,那時候公婆加上她先生都說她最主要的任務就是把孩子帶好,別的都不用想不用在乎,趙瑤也覺得有道理。

    可是隨著生活的推進她才知道一個女人自己的經濟不夠獨立有多難,男人沒有過怨言,可是她花錢越來越小心翼翼,就算是給自己的父母買點東西她都會沒有底氣。更別說給自己多買些衣服和喜歡的飾品。

    貧窮會限制人的思維,經濟不獨立也會撼動女人婚姻的幸福。

    忠告三:女人婚后盡量保證自己的經濟收入,如果實在很沒辦法要辭職帶孩子,那就找一些兼職來做,也盡可能的多讀書,豐富自己,有一天遇到適合的工作了不至于自己沒有能力勝任。

    不管男人對自己多好,保持獨立的經濟能力是女人對自己,對自己婚姻的一種負責任的態度。

    4

    在婚姻中,女人說的最多的話大概就是問還愛不愛我,和離婚吧。

    趙瑤之前也不例外,孩子來了,家里增添喜悅的同時也多出了更多的矛盾,幾次她和男人吵架的時候心灰意冷的都不打算過下去了,所以她說過很多次的離婚。

    有一次甚至她回了娘家,結果她媽媽的一席話勸住了她。

    婚姻不易,有矛盾的時候就解決矛盾,說離婚只是氣話不能解決任何的問題反而還會傷害彼此的感情。能好好過的時候就用力用心的好好過,不能過的時候也不用離婚做為威脅愛情的籌碼。

    忠告四:不要輕易的把離婚說出口,不要在發生矛盾的時候用離婚去威脅對方,把離婚當成一種條件,婚姻是由心而發的生活,不是威逼利誘的產物。

    同樣,女人也要擺明自己的底線,不隨便離婚,但是不會將就,明白的告訴對方,如果觸及底線,那也絕不會妥協和委屈自己。

    5

    婚姻就像是一場男混打的比賽,在這個比賽的過程男人和女人除了要一直對外之外,還要彼此之間少有博弈,用真心和頭腦換取婚姻的穩定和幸福。

    婚姻絕不是能靠一個人的妥協和退讓來維持和平的,但是很多剛剛步入婚姻的女人并不懂,或者并不想生出更多的矛盾而選擇退讓。

    就像趙瑤,婚后很長一段時間她都是沒有怨言的接受,理解他人,總是在男人和公婆面前表現的十分的善良和懂事,但是她的心里也早早的積怨成堆。

    忠告五:女人懂事大方是對的,但是不能在婚姻里沒有自己的主見和原則,更不能讓別人以為你沒有原則,以為你可以被很隨意的對待。過多的退讓是軟弱,過于大度的懂事就是婚姻里被人不在乎的開始。

    可以很大度的接受他人的建議,不過不允許別人干涉到自己的生活。

    婚姻不單單是生活在一起,而是抱著幸福的目的快樂和睦的在生活里走下去。

    如果這篇文章對您有幫助,請分享給身邊更多的朋友!

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